Chor Bahkh
by Teroglahn
Summary: Catherine is having trouble convincing Atrus to eat his lunch, the traditional D'ni delicacy of chor bahkh, so she, with the help of a few guests, uses a Dr. Seuss style rhyme to help him, whether he likes it or not.


Author's Note: Catherine's rhymes are in _italics_. Atrus's are in **bold**. This fic has been inspired by Lady Nailo's "Lembas and Jam," and is rated PG because of constant threats and Cho's attempts to swear. I'm sorry for taking so long on this, but I originally wrote this in script format and then I changed it.

Disclaimer: Cyan and Ubisoft own Myst and all related books and games and Dr. Seuss owns "Green Eggs and Ham." Hmmph! So selfish!

* * *

"Atrus, you have been writing in the Releeshahn Book for hours. You must be starving." 

Catherine was right: Atrus had been spending hours in writing a new Age for the D'ni, and had not even paused for eating.

"Come on, Atrus," she pleaded, "I baked fresh_ chor bahkh_ for you!" She held up a plate of the said traditional D'ni delicacy, consisting of a meat-filled roll, and waved it in front of her husband's face. 

Atrus, however, ignored this, muttering, "Look, Catherine, I'm afraid that I must continue my writing."

Rolling her eyes, she groaned, "Now, where exactly have I heard that before? Look, a new beginning for the D'ni could wait five minutes, couldn't it?"

"No."

"Why!"

"Here," he said, handing Catherine a small journal, "Most of what you'll need to know is in there."

"That's it," snapped Catherine, tossing the journal aside, "You forced me to use... the method."

"The method?" Atrus asked, cocking his head.

"I've used it for little Yeesha when she won't finish her food," she explained, "The point is to keep rhyming long enough to convince me that you are not hungry."

"RHYMES! But Catherine, I wrote up a journal explaining how I'm not hungry. Isn't that convincing?"

"No and's, if's, or but's, Atrus," snapped Catherine, "Now, let's begin."

_I am Kat._

"I know, but I just prefer to call you Cath-" 

"No! Atrus, dear, that was part of the rhyme!"

"It was?"

"Yes," snapped Catherine, "Now quiet, or I'll make sure that Atrus, son of Gehn will be the last D'ni."

"But I'm not!" said Atrus, "We just found over 1,800 survivors in-"

Catherine gave Atrus a ferocious glare, which impressed him because not even Gehn's nightmare-inducing glares were as threatening as hers, and at the same time made him as scared as a mouse before a cat. Cringing in fear, he squeaked, "Continue."

_I am Kat_

Kat I am.

Atrus was silent, until Catherine barked, "Your turn!"

"All right... er..." Atrus was never good at this.

**That Kat-I-am**

**That Kat-I-am!**

**Please let me Write **

**You Kat-I-am**

_Do you like a plate of_ chor bahkh

**I do not like that _chor bahkh_ **

**They... are tough as a pile of rocks.**

"WHAT!"

Atrus squeaked in fear. No-one insulted Catherine's cooking and have his or her head remain in the same place. Thankfully, Catherine just said, "Forget it. Anyway,"

_Would you like it in Age Five?_

Would you like it in a beehive?

"Catherine," Atrus calmly explained, "Riven's gone, and I thought you'd know better than to disturb creatures in their natural habitat!"

"It's part of the rhyme, book boy." groaned Catherine.

"Fine." He hated being called "book boy!" 

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

I would not eat it in a beehive.

I do not like chor bahkh, my wife!

Just go away and let me write!

_Would you eat them soaked in bile?_

Would you eat them in exile?

Suddenly, and enraged voice from behind them roared, "Which where I was for TWENTY STINKIN' YEARS!" They turned around to see a certain half-crazed Narayani, Saavedro, who was looking... er, nice in crude red tapestries- I mean robes- and was holding a hammer. He ran over and picked up the half-written Releeshahn Book.

"Twenty years, Atrus." hissed Saavedro, "It has been twenty long years since your bratty sons last came to Narayan, and took everything I had. My friends! My lattice trees! My WIFE! MY TWO BABY GIRLS! And now, I'll show you what it feels like to watch your friends and relatives die, when I take this Book, and-"

"Eh, Saavedro?" said Atrus, who was annoyed because of the Narayani tendency to spit while talking, "I didn't finish it yet. There's nobody in there."

"NO-ONE!" screamed Saavedro. He threw the Book on the ground, "I'm too early!  
Idiot! You actually thought this would work! You thought that you'd simply knock that blasted author on the head once or twice and annoy him so that he'd write me a linking book here so I could get this whole thing to work. Why? Why would he let you come when Releeshahn was an easy target? Because of your blows to the head? Because of your terrible rap music? When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you do not matter to him!"

Catherine, hoping to change the mood, continued

_Would you eat it with Emmitt or Branch?_

Would you eat it in a ranch?

"You're more like Tamra than I thought!" remarked Saavedro.

"Does she use this method?" asked Catherine.

"Well, she did," Saavedro started calmly and finished screaming, "until your little TWERPS CAME INTO NARAYAN AND-" 

Atrus, hoping that Saavedro would shut up and stop whining already, continued.

**I will not eat it soaked in bile **

**I will not eat it in exile**

**I will not eat them with Emmitt or Branch**

**I will not eat them in a ranch**

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

I would not eat it in a beehive.

**I do not like _chor bahkh_, my wife!**

Just go away and let me write!

_In Mechanical! In Mechanical!_

Or perhaps with a greedy know-it-all? As if on que (most likely), a figure wearing expensive clothing and a goatee linked into the study. He is Sirrus, the younger, greedier, smarter and (it is an unknown fact, but it is true) more flatulent son of Atrus. 

"Aha! Hello, mother, Saavedro, father..." Sirrus exclaimed as he glanced around the room, but stopped halfway, "Wait a moment..." He turned back to the man standing in front of him, "SAAVEDRO!" And nervously laughed, "Heh... heh, heh... hey Saavy! Wazzup?"

"I've waiting so long for this... ahem." hissed Saavedro with an evil grin on his face. He then spoke in a Spanish accent, "Hello. I am Saavedro of Narayan. You killed my wife. Prepare to die."

Sirrus cowered in fear from his teacher (yes, teachers can be cruel sometimes) while murmuring something about a lack of originality.

_Would you, could you, if I gave you a buck?_

"Well, you're not getting it from me!" snapped Sirrus, "So what if I'm a super-genius and millionaire? Es mí dinero!"

**I would not do that. Forget the buck!**

_Would you eat it in Channelwood?_

Eat it! Eat it! It's for your own good

**I would not, could not in Mechanical **

**I would not with a greedy know-it-all **

**I will not eat it if you gave me a buck **

**Not in Channelwood, don't press your luck **

**I would not eat it soaked in bile **

**I would not eat it in exile**

**I will not eat them with Emmitt or Branch**

**I will not eat them in a ranch **

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

I would not eat it in a beehive.

I do not like chor bahkh, my wife!

Just leave me alone and let me write!

_Would you if I tore you from limb to limb?  
Would you if..._ Suddenly, a Rivenese man in D'ni Maintainer clothing linked into the room. He is Cho, also known as "He-who-knows-every-language-but-the-ones-you-understand." 

_...by the Maker, not him!_

Cho stuttered, "Tah... tah... tahgehmah... re-ko-ah." 

"WHAT!" cried everyone else in the room.

"Tah... tah... tahgehmah b'soo... re-ko-ah."

"Look, you creepy ahrotahn," snapped Sirrus, "Do us all a favor and learn some decent D'ni (or English, whichever comes first), especially how to say 'I'm ready to shoot myself now.'"

"Go..." stuttered Cho, this time with anger in his voice, "Go fah... go fahk yerslf... srus. Go fahk yerslf Srus!

Sirrus, unaware that Cho cursed him out (or tried to), rolled his eyes. _Would you eat it with a Maintainer?_

Would eat it in a container? **I would not, could not with a Maintainer **

**I would not, could not in a container **

_Or if you were inside a gym?_

"You need to lose a bit of weight, anyway!" chucked Sirrus. Atrus glared at Sirrus. **I would not, could not with a Maintainer **

**I would not, could not in a container **

**I cannot, cannot if you tore me limb from limb **

**I must not, must not inside a gym **

**I would not, could not in Mechanical **

**I would not with a greedy know-it-all **

**I will not eat it if you gave me a buck **

**Not in Channelwood, don't press your luck **

**I would not eat it soaked in bile **

**I would not eat it in exile **

**I will not eat them with Emmitt or Branch **

**I will not eat them in a ranch **

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

I would not eat it in a beehive.

I do not like chor bahkh, my wife!

Just leave me alone and let me write!

_Will you eat it in Shimar _

_Will you eat it with Achenar?_

"You rang?" giggled a voice from behind them. The occupants of the room turned around to see Achenar, Atrus's older, stronger, less sane, and more... disturbing son. 

Achenar, still giggling like an girl, exclaimed, "I'm back! Do you miss me?"

To which Saavedro and Sirrus responded, "No."

"Well, too bad!" and, to Atrus's horror, he jumped into Atrus's arms, laughing, "Daddy!" Atrus, who could bear his large, heavy son, dropped him on the ground.

_Would you eat it on the Island of Myst?_

_Could you eat it with a therapist?_

"I'll need one by the time this is done." grumbled Atrus.

_Would you eat it on a stick?_

Or listening to the rambling of a confusing mystic? 

Saavedro leaned on a small device on a table and accidentally depresses a button. The device, which turns out to be an imager, flashes several times, and then a hologram appears. It looks like a girl with strange markings on her face and a poor taste of fashion.

"Shorah." the hologram began, "Rekooahn treCleft preniv legloen b'rem. Oh, yes. Not in D'ni. They won't understand."

"But we do understand!" exclaimed Atrus, "It means-"

Before he could translate, Catherine interrupted, "I'm sorry, but... who are you?

The hologram blinked and said, "You mean you don't recognize your own daughter!"

Catherine and Atrus gasped, "Yeesha!" They both looked into the other room, where their newborn baby Yeesha was sleeping. They then switched off between staring at their newborn child and staring at the older, weirder version of her.

"My," muttered Atrus, "this is a plot hole indeed!" 

"A new daughter, eh?" Sirrus smirked, "I see you two have been busy since we have gone."

"Shut up." snapped Atrus

_Now, would you eat it with King Gan?_

"Can we stop now?" whined Atrus

"NO!" boomed Catherine

Atrus muttered under his breath, "I should have picked that girl from Age 37."

**I wouldn't, couldn't on a stick **

**I wouldn't while listen to a confusing mystic **

**I will not eat it on the Island of Myst **

**Nor will I eat it with a therapist **

**I will not eat it in Shimar **

**Never, never with Achenar!**

**I refuse to eat it with King Gan **

**I must finish Releeshahn, Kat-I-am!**

**I would not, could not with a Maintainer **

**I would not, could not in a container **

**I cannot, cannot if you tore me limb from limb **

**I must not, must not inside a gym **

**I would not, could not in Mechanical **

**I would not with a greedy know-it-all **

**I will not eat it if you gave me a buck **

**Not in Channelwood, don't press your luck **

**I would not eat it soaked in bile **

**I would not eat it in exile **

**Not with Emmitt, not with Branch **

**I will not eat them in a ranch **

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

**I would not eat it in a beehive.**

**I despise chor bahkh, my wife!**

**Just leave me alone and let me write!**

_Would you if you were the only left?_

_Would you eat it in the Cleft?_

_Or writing the hevtee garo_

"Garo hevtee!" corrected Atrus.

"RHYMES!" snapped Catherine

_Or how about with the bahro?_

"What are bahro?" Achenar asked. All the others nodded, because they didn't know themselves (who does?). Yeesha explained, "They are the Least. The D'ni began to take from them, and take more and more. But as they grew proud, they did not give back. So thus... the D'ni grew proud... and died. And still today, they are ready to give away more."

Silence.

"I also advise never to have tea parties with them." she concluded.

"Emm... right..." said Sirrus, "good for you."

Catherine, who was also confusing by her daughter's speech, said, "Err... anyway..."

_Would you eat it with a cod?_

_Or if you thought you were a god?_

"Er... Cho? What are you doing?" Cho was holding up the Trap Book used in Riven.  
"Gou..." Cho stuttered for the last time, "gou hell to!" Cho linked into the Trap Book, and, to the horror of everyone else in the room, Gehn appeared moments later, looking as dangerous (and old) as ever, armed with his heek (oh, c'mon, you geezer! Is that all you could throw our way? A cane!)

Atrus hissed, "Father..."

"Father!" snapped Gehn, "Do not call me father, for you are not my-"

"Grandpa! Grandpa!" cheered Achenar in a childish tone as he jumped into a shocked and annoyed Gehn's arms. Gehn just groaned, "Who in Kerath's name are you?" and dropped him on the floor. Catherine grabbed Gehn's cane.

_Would you eat them if it took all week?_

_Would you eat them with a heek?_

Gehn whined, "My heek."

_Or maybe with a banana?_

_Not even with good ol' Ti'ana?_

Suddenly, Anna/Ti'ana appeared in the room, looking very nice, even though she had been dead for years.

"Grandmother!" gasped Atrus, "You're back! But... didn't we bury you?"

Anna, ignoring his last comment, gasped, "Atrus! Catherine! Sirrus! Achenar! Oh, praise the Maker! My soul has gone to the Perfect Age!"

"Errr..." Gehn said weekly, "Hello mother."

"Ahhhh! You!" screamed Anna. Looking around frantically, she screamed, "Jaktooth, I know you're here somewhere! Please don't hurt me!"

Atrus concluded that the faster he rhymed, the faster he could get rid of all his "guests" and go back to his Book... and his sanity.

**Not with Ti'ana, not with a heek **

**I'm tired of this! I'll be here all week!**

**Not with a cod, not near, not far **

**Not with a bahro, whatever they are **

**Even if I thought I was a god, I detest **

**Those chor bahkh, so let me rest!**

**I would not eat it in the Cleft **

**I could not eat it if I was the only one left **

**I wouldn't, couldn't on a stick **

**I wouldn't while listen to a confusing mystic **

**I will not eat it on the Island of Myst **

**Nor will I eat it with a therapist **

**I will not eat it in Shimar **

**Never, never with Achenar!**

**I refuse to eat it with King Gan **

**I must finish Releeshahn, Kat-I-am!**

**I would not, could not with a Maintainer**

**I would not, could not in a container **

**I cannot, cannot if you tore me limb from limb **

**I must not, must not inside a gym **

**I would not, could not in Mechanical **

**I would not with a greedy know-it-all**

**I will not eat it if you gave me a buck **

**Not in Channelwood, don't press your luck **

**I would not eat it soaked in bile **

**I would not eat it in exile **

**Not with Emmitt, not with Branch **

**I will not eat them in a ranch **

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

**I would not eat it in a beehive.**

**I think _chor bahkh_ are evil, my wife!**

**Just end this God-forsaken poem and let me write!**

The guests applauded because of Atrus's sudden enthusiasm.

"See?" said Catherine, "Doesn't it get fun after a while?"

"I just want to finish before Myst IV Revelation comes out." groaned Atrus.

"What?" asked everyone else in the room.

"Never mind."

_Would you, could you wearing a KI?_

**Never, never! Why can't you see?**

_Or maybe in the Age of Rime?_

**Enough with this dish! Enough with this rhyme!**

_Maybe if you were Rand Miller?_

"Who's that?" asked Atrus.

_What if there was a psychotic killer?_

The door to the study opened to reveal an ironically handsome D'ni man: Veovis. Gehn raised his heek (which he took back from Catherine), Ti'ana held a vile of the noxious liquid she poured over Suarhnir, Catherine pulled out a Moiety dagger, Saavedro pulls out his (three guesses what) hammer, Yeesha- well, being a hologram, she wasn't in much danger-, and Achenar picked up Sirrus as a human club.

"Atrus, my friend!" laughed Veovis. He stared at all the weapons, usual or not, and one human pointed at him. "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything, was I?"

"Not at all! Come on in!" laughed Atrus as Veovis sat down by the desk. The rest of the "guests" grew uneasy.

"Atrus..." asked Ti'ana, "Can we talk to you for a moment?" 

"That is Veovis." explained Yeesha.

"He helped destroy D'ni." remarked Catherine.

"He's sitting in your study, lad." Gehn pointed out.

"I know," shrugged Atrus, "But Veovis has changed a lot since the Fall. He's a better person now."

"But didn't A'Gaeris kill him?" asked Sirrus.

"That explains this." remarked Veovis as he pulled a butcher's knife out of his upper back.

More awkward silence.

"That was... disturbing." muttered Saavedro.

"Oooh! Oooh!" cheered Achenar, "Again! Again!"

Veovis noticed Anna, as exclaimed, "Ti'ana! I'm sorry about what I did long ago. How's Aitrus feeling?"

"He's right there." she said, pointing to her grandson.

"No. I mean Aitrus with an 'I!'"

"He's been dead for years." Veovis looked like he was about to cry.

"Get... me... out of here!" Atrus hissed.

"Only if you rhyme!" snapped Catherine.

"Why..." he took a deep breath.

**Not with a guy named Rand Miller **

**Nor with a psychotic killer **

**Not in the Age of Rime **

**Look! We're running out of time!**

**Nor will I eat it wearing a KI**

**Kat-I-am, why can't you see?**

**Not with Ti'ana, not with a heek**

**I'm tired of this! I'll be here all week!**

**Not with a cod, not near, not far **

**Not with a bahro, whatever they are **

**Even if I thought I was a god, I detest **

**Those chor bahkh, so let me rest!**

**I would not eat it in the Cleft **

**I could not eat it if I was the only one left **

**I wouldn't, couldn't on a stick **

**I wouldn't while listen to a confusing mystic **

**I will not eat it on the Island of Myst **

**Nor will I eat it with a therapist **

**I will not eat it in Shimar **

**Never, never with Achenar!**

**I refuse to eat it with King Gan **

**I must finish Releeshahn, Kat-I-am!**

**I would not, could not with a Maintainer **

**I would not, could not in a container**

**I cannot, cannot if you tore me limb from limb **

**I must not, must not inside a gym **

**I would not, could not in Mechanical **

**I would not with a greedy know-it-all **

**I will not eat it if you gave me a buck **

**Not in Channelwood, don't press your luck **

**I would not eat it soaked in bile **

**I would not eat it in exile **

**I will not eat them with Emmitt or Branch **

**I will not eat them in a ranch **

**I would not eat it in Age Five.**

**I would not eat it in a beehive.**

**I hate those _chor bahkh_ my wife!**

**Just throw them out and let me write!**

More applause. Catherine waved the plate of chor bahkh, which still was surprisingly fresh, in front of Atrus.

"Hungry now?" she asked.

"...A bit."

_Try it, try it, if I say!_

_Try it, try it, so you may!_

"Alright. You win."

"Atrus, dear, you have to-"

Atrus and Catherine said together, "Rhyme!"

**Kat-I-am, if you let me be **

**I will try it, you shall see**

He paused for a moment, then finally took a bite.

"Say! It is good! Oh, wait... I know what you're about to tell me, Catherine."

**I will with Rand, I will in Rime **

**I will with a killer; we have plenty of time!**

**I will eat it wearing a KI**

**Oh, Kat-I-am, give more chor bahkh to me!**

**Yes with Ti'ana, yes with a heek **

**More! More! I could eat it all week!**

**Of course with a cod, near or far **

**I'll eat it with the bahro, though I still don't know what they are **

**God or not, I shall adore **

**These chor bahkh! More, I say! More!**

**I'll gladly eat it in the Cleft **

**I'll munch on it if I was the only one left **

**Sure, I'll eat it on a stick **

**Yeah, I will while listening to an eccentric mystic!**

**Yes in Myst, yes in Shimar **

**Yes with a therapist, maybe I should bring Achenar **

**I'll eat it, of course, with King Gan **

**Releeshahn could wait, my dear Kat-I-am **

**I could, I should with a Maintainer **

**I should, I would in a container **

**I'd eat it even if I was torn limb from limb **

**Even if I was forced into a gym!**

**I would in Mechanical!**

**I could with a greedy know-it-all!**

**I'd eat it even without the buck **

**If you ask me in Channelwood, you're full of luck!**

**I will eat it soaked in bile!**

**I will eat it in exile!**

**Yes with Emmitt! Yes with Branch!**

**Yes here! Yes there! Yes in a ranch!**

**I will eat it in Age Five!**

**Say! I will eat it in a beehive **

**Oh, I wish I had these chor bahkh all my life!**

**Thank you, thank you, my dear wife!**

The company applauded as Atrus finishes his rhyme and his lunch. Anna then said, "I mst go now." She headed toward the door, but was stopped by Veovis.

"Anna," he said, "I'm sorry about your husband. A'Gaeris did something terrible to us all. I understand. I'm a better person now."

"Thanks Veovis." she said, very, very, very confused. She backed away, but Veovis followed.

"Would you like to share you're feelings?"

Anna was obviously shocked by this question, "No... no... that's okay. I'm fine."

"But talking is the only way to solve your problems," he argued, "Otherwise, you could develop a complex of some sort, and I do not want any more pain to befall you or your family."

Anna, scared out of her wits now, turned and ran screaming out the door.

"Running from your problems will not help you either!" Veovis cried, running after her, "You need to face your fears!"

Gehn, after seeing this, simply walked out the door.

"And where do think you're going?" asked Catherine.

Gehn laughed, "I'm free now! Nobody can stop me now! I'm off to conquer the world!" He bolted out the door, but then tripped and fell on his face. He then silently got back up and kept running.

"So... what now?" asked Sirrus.

"Karaoke?" suggested Achenar.

"NO!"

To his horror, Achenar began to sing in a high-pitched voice,

"Well you could tell by the way I walk my walk 

I'm a woman's man, no time to talk..."

Sirrus screamed and ran towards the exit, but was blocked by Saavedro.

"You're not going anywhere," hissed Saavedro, "I'll have my revenge. Mark my words, Sirrus. I'll have my revenge."

"And mark my words: take a breath mint and get out of my way!"

"And why would I do that?"

Achenar approached them, still singing:

"Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother

You're stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!"

"Holy crap!" cried Saavedro, "You're right!"

He and Sirrus darted out the door, with a singing Achenar following.

Atrus, who had completely cleaned his plate of chor bahkh crumbs, asked Catherine:

**Say, Kat-I-am, this food is neat!**

**Do you have any more for me to eat?**

Catherine blinked. Did Atrus just rhyme on his own?

"Atrus, you could stop now."

**Stop? Why stop? I'm having so much fun?**

**More chor bahkh! I'm not yet done!**

"I don't think he can stop." remarked Yeesha.

"Then help me stop him!" ordered Catherine.

Yeesha just smirked, "You're on your own." And she depressed the button on the imager once more, making herself vanish. Wait- how can she do that?

**Please invite back all our guests!**

**We could do the same, but with _ikhah nijuhets_!**

Catherine looked up and cried, "Gehn the Grey, this is a good time to end now!"

Sorry, I still have a bit of space on my word processor.

**You! Author! Teroglahn!**

**Join us now before we're gone!**

"WHAT HAVE I DONE!" shrieked Catherine as she ran out the door, with a constantly-rhyming Atrus chasing her.

You know, maybe it is a good time for me to end this pointless fic. The End


End file.
